FEAR
F--FRIGHTENED
E--EVIL
A--ANXIETY
R--REACTIONARY
FAITH
F--FANTASTIC
A--ACTION
I--ILLUMINATING
T--TRIAL
H--HAPPY
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The tide is changing...just a little bit!
Tonite I went to see the movie "Post Grad" it was surprisingly funny and not at all what I was expecting when I went to see it...It is about a young woman who has just graduated from college and finds out what life is like when it doesn't go exactly according to the plan...It was sort of an epiphany for me... here is a trailer for your viewing pleasure:
Well, life is as unpredictable as ever...I have spent the past 4 months agonizing over what I should do, what Doug should do, what Zoe should do, and what effect all of our decisions will have on each other and especially Holden and Maya...but what I have found is that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of it!! And to my surprise...I don't want to control it...for the first time in a long time I am letting go.
A funny thing happens when you let go...some things seem to fall into place. I got a job, after many disappointing interviews, a job that would do for a paycheck...but not quite the one I wanted. And so, I kept looking for the job I did want, and I found it! I will be working at "A New Leaf" as a counselor, with children and families. I will be able to get the supervision I need for my future independent license. I will be able to set my own hours, and I will be able to create my own groups. This is as perfect a situation as anyone in my position (just out of grad school) could ask for. I am very excited to begin my new career and I have much to be grateful for.
And so the anxiety of the last post is gone...letting go of the illusion of control is quite liberating! I don't know what lies ahead but I know it will be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to what ever curve balls may come. The tide is definately changing...at least in me.
Well, life is as unpredictable as ever...I have spent the past 4 months agonizing over what I should do, what Doug should do, what Zoe should do, and what effect all of our decisions will have on each other and especially Holden and Maya...but what I have found is that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of it!! And to my surprise...I don't want to control it...for the first time in a long time I am letting go.
A funny thing happens when you let go...some things seem to fall into place. I got a job, after many disappointing interviews, a job that would do for a paycheck...but not quite the one I wanted. And so, I kept looking for the job I did want, and I found it! I will be working at "A New Leaf" as a counselor, with children and families. I will be able to get the supervision I need for my future independent license. I will be able to set my own hours, and I will be able to create my own groups. This is as perfect a situation as anyone in my position (just out of grad school) could ask for. I am very excited to begin my new career and I have much to be grateful for.
And so the anxiety of the last post is gone...letting go of the illusion of control is quite liberating! I don't know what lies ahead but I know it will be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to what ever curve balls may come. The tide is definately changing...at least in me.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Anxiety...
There have been many changes in my life over the past year, some good and some not so good. It's little wonder that I am feeling so anxious. The biggest changes are still to come...
I am beginning my first ever "professional job". I have had jobs before but always on my terms, meaning part-time, flexible, substituting so I could choose what days I wanted to work and what days I didn't...stuff like that. It is hard for me to make this leap, but I know it is important for my family right now.
I am also concerned about my lack of knowledge, I know that may sound weird after just graduating from the MSW program, but it is one thing to study theory, and quite another to put it into practice...It's a good thing this new job has a training program!!
Since Doug has been out of work and we are such financial wizards, we are losing our home. We don't know when we will have to be out exactly...its kind of a waiting game...So I have been looking for new digs and it is just depressing.
Its really weird because when we bought this house 10 years ago, we never intended to be in it for longer than 5 years...we thought we would fix it up and sell it and make a profit and move on...but what happened is we made a HOME, and after 10 years of putting our hearts and souls into it...not just physically but spiritually, mentally and socially...it is heartbreaking to have to leave.
I know we will land on our feet, but I just don't know where?? and starting over is really not something I want to do right now...Its no wonder I can't sleep any more...I am constantly praying for inspiration to know what to do and where to go...and it seems I am just going to have to take that leap of faith, and hope that we do the right things...I am tired of screwing up.
Then I start to wonder...maybe that's the point...maybe I am supposed to screw up...kind of like in the garden of eden when the lord forbids Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit, while knowing that they had to eat, so that men might be, and that we might have joy, and know good from evil...they had to pass through sorrow so that we could learn...and there it is, the point I have been searching for...this is why we screw up...so that we also know these differences...so that we have the opportunity to repent and start over...
So here I go...LEAP.
I am beginning my first ever "professional job". I have had jobs before but always on my terms, meaning part-time, flexible, substituting so I could choose what days I wanted to work and what days I didn't...stuff like that. It is hard for me to make this leap, but I know it is important for my family right now.
I am also concerned about my lack of knowledge, I know that may sound weird after just graduating from the MSW program, but it is one thing to study theory, and quite another to put it into practice...It's a good thing this new job has a training program!!
Since Doug has been out of work and we are such financial wizards, we are losing our home. We don't know when we will have to be out exactly...its kind of a waiting game...So I have been looking for new digs and it is just depressing.
Its really weird because when we bought this house 10 years ago, we never intended to be in it for longer than 5 years...we thought we would fix it up and sell it and make a profit and move on...but what happened is we made a HOME, and after 10 years of putting our hearts and souls into it...not just physically but spiritually, mentally and socially...it is heartbreaking to have to leave.
I know we will land on our feet, but I just don't know where?? and starting over is really not something I want to do right now...Its no wonder I can't sleep any more...I am constantly praying for inspiration to know what to do and where to go...and it seems I am just going to have to take that leap of faith, and hope that we do the right things...I am tired of screwing up.
Then I start to wonder...maybe that's the point...maybe I am supposed to screw up...kind of like in the garden of eden when the lord forbids Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit, while knowing that they had to eat, so that men might be, and that we might have joy, and know good from evil...they had to pass through sorrow so that we could learn...and there it is, the point I have been searching for...this is why we screw up...so that we also know these differences...so that we have the opportunity to repent and start over...
So here I go...LEAP.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Words I love....
"There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together."
-Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when; whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees."
-Victor Hugo
"What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath."
-Thomas Crum
"With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."
-Abraham Lincoln
"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela
"Remember happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think."
-Dale Carnegie
"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal."
-Helen Keller
“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living"
-Miriam Beard
“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life"
-Jack Kerouac
-Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when; whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees."
-Victor Hugo
"What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath."
-Thomas Crum
"With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."
-Abraham Lincoln
"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela
"Remember happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think."
-Dale Carnegie
"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal."
-Helen Keller
“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living"
-Miriam Beard
“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life"
-Jack Kerouac
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)