There have been many changes in my life over the past year, some good and some not so good. It's little wonder that I am feeling so anxious. The biggest changes are still to come...
I am beginning my first ever "professional job". I have had jobs before but always on my terms, meaning part-time, flexible, substituting so I could choose what days I wanted to work and what days I didn't...stuff like that. It is hard for me to make this leap, but I know it is important for my family right now.
I am also concerned about my lack of knowledge, I know that may sound weird after just graduating from the MSW program, but it is one thing to study theory, and quite another to put it into practice...It's a good thing this new job has a training program!!
Since Doug has been out of work and we are such financial wizards, we are losing our home. We don't know when we will have to be out exactly...its kind of a waiting game...So I have been looking for new digs and it is just depressing.
Its really weird because when we bought this house 10 years ago, we never intended to be in it for longer than 5 years...we thought we would fix it up and sell it and make a profit and move on...but what happened is we made a HOME, and after 10 years of putting our hearts and souls into it...not just physically but spiritually, mentally and socially...it is heartbreaking to have to leave.
I know we will land on our feet, but I just don't know where?? and starting over is really not something I want to do right now...Its no wonder I can't sleep any more...I am constantly praying for inspiration to know what to do and where to go...and it seems I am just going to have to take that leap of faith, and hope that we do the right things...I am tired of screwing up.
Then I start to wonder...maybe that's the point...maybe I am supposed to screw up...kind of like in the garden of eden when the lord forbids Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit, while knowing that they had to eat, so that men might be, and that we might have joy, and know good from evil...they had to pass through sorrow so that we could learn...and there it is, the point I have been searching for...this is why we screw up...so that we also know these differences...so that we have the opportunity to repent and start over...
So here I go...LEAP.
3 comments:
(SORRY! This turned out WAY longer than I meant it to! Why do I have to be so wordy!! Forgive me!)
Oh, Lynn. My heart is so sad for you right now. First off, you did not screw up. Things happen. Sometimes through no fault of our own!
I know whatever happens that you are amazing and things will work out. I feel like I say that a lot - but it is true! Things do have a way of working out. Sometimes it just takes longer than we want it to and is more painful than we want it to be.
I pray for the best for you and for your family! I'm still hoping that somehow you will remain in your home. If that's what you want. But whatever happens, I'm glad I've gotten to know you and to call you friend!
I think the hardest part is to really turn everything over to the Lord and let Him take the lead. At least it is for me. I don't know if I've shared this with you, but this is a quote that has come to mean the world to me this past year. It's from an Ensign article by Elder Anthony D. Perkins, "The Great and Wonderful Love" November 2006: Place your burdens on Jesus Christ. When you feel overwhelmed by expectations and challenges, do not fight the battle alone. Follow the example of small children, and drop to you knees in prayer.
Jesus Christ has commanded us, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." Doubt, fear and worry indicate we have taken all of life's burdens and anxieties on ourselves. When plagued by thoughts that you are inadequate, confidently say, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Then as you "cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power," you can rest assured that the Lord will do the remainder and things will work out all right.
The Savior promised, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." As you "cast [you] burden upon the Lord," you will feel the peace of the spirit.
Love you!
Thank you so much Diane, you are so sweet and I love you!
Oh Lynn,
I'm right there with you and I agree 100% with Diane.
About 2 years ago... I lived in fear. It consumed me. Worry and regret ate away at my peace of mind. I felt that I had failed and because of my choices my family was going to suffer.
Then something interesting happened (in Sears parking lot no less). I felt the spirit testify to me that Heavenly Father can move mountains - he makes miracles happen - regardless of me(or even inspite of me). It was such a strange feeling. But right then and there I knew...I didn't have to figure it all out and try to micro manage my life. He would take care of it, I just needed to do the footwork and he would take care of the results.
I'm so grateful for this knowledge - with the economy and all the fear that 'could' consume me, not to mention Jim being out of work for the past month...
I have peace, feel serene and KNOW that HF will work it all out. (really I haven't freaked out once, haven't cried once)
What's the worst that can happen? I lose some tangible things...But I have my testimony, my family, and my computer - so I can write. That's all that matters!
I love you - let me know if you ever need anything, Milk, a book, a shoulder...
This too shall pass.
~Krista
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