A Funny Thing Happened After the Trunk or Treat...

I don't know if it is just my mood lately or I have had some sort of epiphany...but last night after the Adobe Ward trunk-or-treat, I had this very distinct feeling come over me that this was no longer my home...Don't get me wrong it was so nice to see good friends and visit, but it was like all of a sudden the thought came to me, this is NOT my home any more...

Since we moved I have been in this blinding state of grief and I seriously closed myself off to making any new friends in our not so new ward...I have been getting in my own way...So I determined to open my heart to new possibilities no matter where I am, in this ward, or in life...

I have not really felt like myself for some time now...it is so weird how things happen in clusters...one minute you're going along living your life and the next everything changes and I mean EVERYTHING...lost job, lost father, lost house, lost ward, lost identity, lost mind!! got new job, rent new house, got new ward, got new identity, got new frame of mind...

I must say that while I love WHAT I do, I do NOT like working outside my home...I don't like the pressure of being the sole support for my family...I have a whole new perspective of how Doug must have felt all these years (or is it the same for men?)...and he has a whole new perspective of how hard it is to be a stay-at-home Dad! this is a good thing even though it is one of the hardest things we have ever had to do...I really hope that this changes soon because I am exhausted and I would really love to work part time and be home again...I still want to be a therapist I LOVE being a therapist...just don't ever want to do it FULL time :)

I am grateful for life's ups and downs, I truly am...this is what makes us who we are...I like who I am, I like who I am becoming and I have HOPE for the future, whatever it brings.