One day I blinked and my baby grew up...Ode to Zoe :)

Before I launch into my brag fest I want it to be known that I absolutely take no credit for the beautiful person that I was blessed to bring into this world...she came to me exactly the way she is, so that I could learn from her...

20 years ago today I began to wonder if the little person in my belly was ever going to make an appearance! The next morning (it was a beautiful Sunday) I woke up with stronger and more consistent contractions. I leaned over to Doug and said, "Happy Birthday! I bought you a lovely leather bag but I think you are going to have a BABY for your birthday" :)

We went to the hospital, where I was already pretty far along about 7cm dilated...this didn't seem good enough for the on-call doctor, as he had football to watch...so he broke my water and gave me pitocin to "hurry" the labor along...luckily I didn't have to put up with the contractions too long (an hour) before I got to start pushing this not so little bean out...after 3 hours of pushing and crazy pain, Zoe's not so small head (15cm) finally made it through! She was 9lbs 14oz of gorgeous baby girl!! (everyone was convinced I was having a boy, we had no ultrasound). Zoe got the doctor back for all the pain that was inflicted on her mother by having an enormous Brimhall poop all over him :) Zoe is still clogging toilets wherever she goes...

From that point on I was in complete love with this beautiful baby girl! She absolutely fit her name Zoe=LIFE. When she was little, she was always striking up conversations with strangers and wherever I took her people would always say, "wow, she is such a good baby! she's so cute." One time I was worried about how much she talked while we were in church and I was getting ready to go walk the halls with her and our bishop at the time (Jerry Lewis) told me "don't ever worry about that adorable chatter! she is awesome, stay put!!" Zoe still loves to talk and will bend anyones ear that will listen! (this is a good thing Zoe)

I remember that her first word was actually "wshhhh" she was mimicking the sound of the wind! Her second was when she was 9months old and I was playing the "identify the features of my face" game. She was pulling at my eyebrows so I said "eyebrow" and Zoe said "eyebow." I didn't think she actually said it so I tested it out and she said it again! This is when I knew Zoe would be brilliant! and even though she doesn't think so, she is extremely gifted in so many ways (she is still trying to figure these out)

When Zoe was 2 we bought our first Disney movie,"Beauty and the Beast" and Zoe would beg me to put in "the beets" and so I would and she would watch for about 2 seconds and then take off to do something else. So I would turn off "the beets" and Zoe would howl from wherever she was to "please mommy put it back on!" I realized that she loved the MUSIC and that is what she wanted not the pictures. She still loves music to this day and I hope she still sings show tunes at the top of her lungs in her dorm room...

Zoe has remained a source of love and life in our home and since she has been away at college there is this emptiness in our home that only her presence can fill and we all miss her terribly :(

I am proud to tell her that I not only LOVE her but I actually LIKE her!! there is a difference...I am incredibly proud of the beautiful woman she is becoming. Zoe, I hope you have a fantastically fabulous birthday and enjoy every bit of your last day of teenagerhood!!

A Funny Thing Happened After the Trunk or Treat...

I don't know if it is just my mood lately or I have had some sort of epiphany...but last night after the Adobe Ward trunk-or-treat, I had this very distinct feeling come over me that this was no longer my home...Don't get me wrong it was so nice to see good friends and visit, but it was like all of a sudden the thought came to me, this is NOT my home any more...

Since we moved I have been in this blinding state of grief and I seriously closed myself off to making any new friends in our not so new ward...I have been getting in my own way...So I determined to open my heart to new possibilities no matter where I am, in this ward, or in life...

I have not really felt like myself for some time now...it is so weird how things happen in clusters...one minute you're going along living your life and the next everything changes and I mean EVERYTHING...lost job, lost father, lost house, lost ward, lost identity, lost mind!! got new job, rent new house, got new ward, got new identity, got new frame of mind...

I must say that while I love WHAT I do, I do NOT like working outside my home...I don't like the pressure of being the sole support for my family...I have a whole new perspective of how Doug must have felt all these years (or is it the same for men?)...and he has a whole new perspective of how hard it is to be a stay-at-home Dad! this is a good thing even though it is one of the hardest things we have ever had to do...I really hope that this changes soon because I am exhausted and I would really love to work part time and be home again...I still want to be a therapist I LOVE being a therapist...just don't ever want to do it FULL time :)

I am grateful for life's ups and downs, I truly am...this is what makes us who we are...I like who I am, I like who I am becoming and I have HOPE for the future, whatever it brings.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story"...

I loved this movie! I have been thinking about it ever since I saw it on Friday... the message was about discovering your true self...who ever that is. Not someone else's idea or expectation of who you "should/shouldn't" be. Life is short so just LIVE!!

Lately I have been reading a book that has brought back to my attention the destructive nature of "PERFECTIONISM." This notion is not new to me, I have always known on some instinctual level that perfectionism is NOT healthy. So I saw this movie and it sort of clicked in a way that had not before. Then I came across this quote:

"YOU ARE PERFECT... A flower is simple
its message is true;
The earth is happy,
there are people like you~
just as you are!

Wow, the pressure To be all that you can be, to achieve all that you can achieve, and to help all that you can help! But here's the truth: You can't possibly be any more than you now are. you are perfect; "it" is done; the plan is unfolding..." (Mike Dooley, Choose them Wisely)

Since I have been on this earth and learning about myself in relation to the world around me, one message has been very clear..."you can always be better!!" So my question is... when is it ever GOOD ENOUGH??? And who gets to decide???

We set these impossible standards and expectations for ourselves, and those around us, in an attempt to prove to everyone how splendid we are...WHO is really watching??? or JUDGING??? Then, when we don't reach the impossible, we tell ourselves it's because we aren't good enough, or strong enough, or whatever enough...a vicious cycle that breeds low self esteem/worth, depression, anxiety and a host of other disorders, begins and then we are like hamsters on our spinning wheels forever running but getting NOWHERE...

IT IS ENOUGH!! I AM ENOUGH!! WE ARE ALL ENOUGH!!

Life is a beautiful symphony...with all of its joys and sorrows, ups and downs...we each add to the music in different ways, making it a far richer experience... I just want to enjoy it, and live in a way that honors who I am...I am NOT perfect, I don't want to be...I want to be authentic. True to myself, good to myself and others, and becoming the woman I am meant to be...

Spring has Sprung!!

I took the week off from work to spend some quality time with the family and to sort of "re-claim" my life! It has been so long since I have been able to just relax...and BLOG :)

I love this time of year...when the weather is beautiful and we all remember why we live in AZ...we went to the lake today and BBQ'd. Holden and I sat by the water and read books while Maya swam and Doug got the coals ready to cook the food :) We thoroughly enjoyed spending time together as a family (it has been a while).  We were joined by Grandma Nevie and Grandpa Dwayne, it was fun to be with them and listen to stories of "the old days." We missed Zoe, but look forward to seeing her soonish.

This week I have been able to stay up late and watch movies and tv shows that I have missed....no more DVR :(... I have been reading books and gone shopping with Maya...thank goodness for Old Navy and their 50% of clearance prices!

Yesterday I got to sit outside and enjoy the backyard with a good friend...SOOOO needed that!! I even got a little bit of sun so I don't look like a pasty codfish!

3 more days of freedom!! I want to get a pedicure and a facial, see more movies and read more books...I wish I had a magic wand and could make time slow down...

I am so glad I took this time to spend my "vacation" at home with my family....I didn't realize how much I needed it!

Year 42

I must say that I really like having a birthday in January... Not only is it the beginning of a new calendar year, but also a new year in my life here on planet earth. I love words and quotes and I tend to look them up quite often.  When I came across this one by Mother Teressa, I new that these would be my goals for this and many more years to come:

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. 

 

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
— Mother Teresa

 

I love the HOPE that these words inspire within me... I hope they inspire you as well.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night...

I thought I would post our family letter this Christmas...it seems that everyone is pretty computer savvy these days so here goes...

 Zoe...Our OLDEST daughter graduated from Mt. View in May. She was fortunate enough to spend 12 days in Greece for a graduation present and then made her way to BYU in June.  Zoe just turned 19 and finished her 2nd semester of college.  She is very lucky to have some very good friends and family that live in Utah. They have been very kind to invite her over for family functions and transport her to and from the airport for her trips home!  Zoe is becoming a beautiful young woman inside and out, we have definitely missed her this year. To find out more about Zoe, just tune into her very own blog @ (beanblogger.blogspot.com)

Holden...the classic middle child! Holden is growing up and just turned 16...yes he will be driving soon, so everyone you have been WARNED! Holden is a sophomore at Mt. View High School. He loves "Block" the most, especially the parties! I think I am more excited for Holden to get his drivers license than he is, so that I don't have to drive him all over from this party to that party...often in the same night!!  While Holden enjoys a good party...sometimes we have to remind him to let loose a bit (why sooo seerriouus!) He loves spending time with family and friends and of course READING!! you can always find Holden with his nose in a good book :)

Maya...is a very SPUNKY child! Maya is the life of any get together...she is happy and helpful and constantly on the move! Maya spends every summer swimming and diving and wants to grow up to be an Olympian some day.  She is well on her way, as she placed 4th in the City dive meet this summer. Maya loves school and is spending her 6th and final year at Entz Elementary this year! I can't believe how fast time flies...Maya has a HUGE heart and is always giving hugs to anyone who needs them.

 Doug and Lynn...this year has definitely had its ups and downs.  About 2 months before I graduated with a Masters degree in Social Work, Doug lost his job. Due to the downturn in the economy and the especially hard hit the Construction Industry has taken, options for employment have been extremely slim.  However, the health/mental health field has taken a slight upturn in employment growth and I have had the opportunity to work as a counselor at A New Leaf with children and families. Most recently I have been offered a job working in Wickenberg at the Rosewood Center for Eating Disorders.  This is a welcome change and will provide a better income and clinical experience while working towards my independent licensure requirements...With all of life's twists and turns, we have not lost FAITH! We have hope in our future, that God is guiding and directing our lives and sooner or later Doug will have a job. For now we have switched roles a bit...but maybe that isn't such a bad thing!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, with all of God's richest blessings for you and your families.

Love,
Doug, Lynn, Zoe, Holden and Maya

I don't usually like Michael Moore but in this case I think he's got it right...

Dear President Obama,
Do you really want to be the new "war president"? If you go to West Point tomorrow night (Tuesday, 8pm) and announce that you are increasing, rather than withdrawing, the troops in Afghanistan, you are the new war president. Pure and simple. And with that you will do the worst possible thing you could do -- destroy the hopes and dreams so many millions have placed in you. With just one speech tomorrow night you will turn a multitude of young people who were the backbone of your campaign into disillusioned cynics. You will teach them what they've always heard is true -- that all politicians are alike. I simply can't believe you're about to do what they say you are going to do. Please say it isn't so.
It is not your job to do what the generals tell you to do. We are a civilian-run government. WE tell the Joint Chiefs what to do, not the other way around. That's the way General Washington insisted it must be. That's what President Truman told General MacArthur when MacArthur wanted to invade China. "You're fired!," said Truman, and that was that. And you should have fired Gen. McChrystal when he went to the press to preempt you, telling the press what YOU had to do. Let me be blunt: We love our kids in the armed services, but we f*#&in' hate these generals, from Westmoreland in Vietnam to, yes, even Colin Powell for lying to the UN with his made-up drawings of WMD (he has since sought redemption).
So now you feel backed into a corner. 30 years ago this past Thursday (Thanksgiving) the Soviet generals had a cool idea -- "Let's invade Afghanistan!" Well, that turned out to be the final nail in the USSR coffin.
There's a reason they don't call Afghanistan the "Garden State" (though they probably should, seeing how the corrupt President Karzai, whom we back, has his brother in the heroin trade raising poppies). Afghanistan's nickname is the "Graveyard of Empires." If you don't believe it, give the British a call. I'd have you call Genghis Khan but I lost his number. I do have Gorbachev's number though. It's + 41 22 789 1662. I'm sure he could give you an earful about the historic blunder you're about to commit.
With our economic collapse still in full swing and our precious young men and women being sacrificed on the altar of arrogance and greed, the breakdown of this great civilization we call America will head, full throttle, into oblivion if you become the "war president." Empires never think the end is near, until the end is here. Empires think that more evil will force the heathens to toe the line -- and yet it never works. The heathens usually tear them to shreds.
Choose carefully, President Obama. You of all people know that it doesn't have to be this way. You still have a few hours to listen to your heart, and your own clear thinking. You know that nothing good can come from sending more troops halfway around the world to a place neither you nor they understand, to achieve an objective that neither you nor they understand, in a country that does not want us there. You can feel it in your bones.
I know you know that there are LESS than a hundred al-Qaeda left in Afghanistan! A hundred thousand troops trying to crush a hundred guys living in caves? Are you serious? Have you drunk Bush's Kool-Aid? I refuse to believe it.
Your potential decision to expand the war (while saying that you're doing it so you can "end the war") will do more to set your legacy in stone than any of the great things you've said and done in your first year. One more throwing a bone from you to the Republicans and the coalition of the hopeful and the hopeless may be gone -- and this nation will be back in the hands of the haters quicker than you can shout "tea bag!"
Choose carefully, Mr. President. Your corporate backers are going to abandon you as soon as it is clear you are a one-term president and that the nation will be safely back in the hands of the usual idiots who do their bidding. That could be Wednesday morning.
We the people still love you. We the people still have a sliver of hope. But we the people can't take it anymore. We can't take your caving in, over and over, when we elected you by a big, wide margin of millions to get in there and get the job done. What part of "landslide victory" don't you understand?
Don't be deceived into thinking that sending a few more troops into Afghanistan will make a difference, or earn you the respect of the haters. They will not stop until this country is torn asunder and every last dollar is extracted from the poor and soon-to-be poor. You could send a million troops over there and the crazy Right still wouldn't be happy. You would still be the victim of their incessant venom on hate radio and television because no matter what you do, you can't change the one thing about yourself that sends them over the edge.
The haters were not the ones who elected you, and they can't be won over by abandoning the rest of us.
President Obama, it's time to come home. Ask your neighbors in Chicago and the parents of the young men and women doing the fighting and dying if they want more billions and more troops sent to Afghanistan. Do you think they will say, "No, we don't need health care, we don't need jobs, we don't need homes. You go on ahead, Mr. President, and send our wealth and our sons and daughters overseas, 'cause we don't need them, either."
What would Martin Luther King, Jr. do? What would your grandmother do? Not send more poor people to kill other poor people who pose no threat to them, that's what they'd do. Not spend billions and trillions to wage war while American children are sleeping on the streets and standing in bread lines.
All of us that voted and prayed for you and cried the night of your victory have endured an Orwellian hell of eight years of crimes committed in our name: torture, rendition, suspension of the bill of rights, invading nations who had not attacked us, blowing up neighborhoods that Saddam "might" be in (but never was), slaughtering wedding parties in Afghanistan. We watched as hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians were slaughtered and tens of thousands of our brave young men and women were killed, maimed, or endured mental anguish -- the full terror of which we scarcely know.
When we elected you we didn't expect miracles. We didn't even expect much change. But we expected some. We thought you would stop the madness. Stop the killing. Stop the insane idea that men with guns can reorganize a nation that doesn't even function as a nation and never, ever has.
Stop, stop, stop! For the sake of the lives of young Americans and Afghan civilians, stop. For the sake of your presidency, hope, and the future of our nation, stop. For God's sake, stop.
Tonight we still have hope.
Tomorrow, we shall see. The ball is in your court. You DON'T have to do this. You can be a profile in courage. You can be your mother's son.
We're counting on you.
Yours,
Michael Moore

WOW time doth fly...

It has been quite some time since I posted anything and tonight I feel like writing...Monday was one of those days that made me realize how much I have been repressing, so here it goes...

As I sat through a funeral for a dear ward member, Carla Niesen, tears came and I was overcome with emotion, not only because of the immense sadness that I felt for the Niesen family but because of all the loss in my own life that I had not really grieved. This past year has been one of the most trying for our family. And yet I have been able to sort of keep on truckin along as if none of it touched me or caused me any pain what so ever. I think I told myself all the right stuff, like... it will be ok, its in the Lord's hands, something will break soon...but here's the deal, even though I totally believe those things...I have not allowed myself to grieve and I realize I never even cried at my own Father's funeral.

I think that I have somehow convinced myself that to have faith or to be positive means that you can't or shouldn't grieve...I mean how many times do we say "I'm fine, or I'm good" when we are really feeling like a piece of crap. When I see it written here on the page I realize how ridiculous that is...We all suffer pain and loss at various times in our lives and it is not realistic to say that we shouldn't grieve...that's like saying, we shouldn't breathe...

So on Monday the dam broke and I have been crying for days...allowing myself to really FEEL the loss of my Father, loss of income, loss of my home, losses of good friends, loss of dreams...While I know in my heart that I have no control and that the Lord does indeed know and understand everything that I am and will ever go through, doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel.

Life isn't meant to be easy, it is full of twists and turns...And yes while "men are that they might have joy" they are also meant to FEEL deeply, madly and truly.

Fear vs. Faith

FEAR

F--FRIGHTENED
E--EVIL
A--ANXIETY
R--REACTIONARY

FAITH

F--FANTASTIC
A--ACTION
I--ILLUMINATING
T--TRIAL
H--HAPPY

The tide is changing...just a little bit!

Tonite I went to see the movie "Post Grad" it was surprisingly funny and not at all what I was expecting when I went to see it...It is about a young woman who has just graduated from college and finds out what life is like when it doesn't go exactly according to the plan...It was sort of an epiphany for me... here is a trailer for your viewing pleasure:


Well, life is as unpredictable as ever...I have spent the past 4 months agonizing over what I should do, what Doug should do, what Zoe should do, and what effect all of our decisions will have on each other and especially Holden and Maya...but what I have found is that I have absolutely NO CONTROL over any of it!! And to my surprise...I don't want to control it...for the first time in a long time I am letting go.

A funny thing happens when you let go...some things seem to fall into place. I got a job, after many disappointing interviews, a job that would do for a paycheck...but not quite the one I wanted. And so, I kept looking for the job I did want, and I found it! I will be working at "A New Leaf" as a counselor, with children and families. I will be able to get the supervision I need for my future independent license. I will be able to set my own hours, and I will be able to create my own groups. This is as perfect a situation as anyone in my position (just out of grad school) could ask for. I am very excited to begin my new career and I have much to be grateful for.

And so the anxiety of the last post is gone...letting go of the illusion of control is quite liberating! I don't know what lies ahead but I know it will be interesting at the very least. I am looking forward to what ever curve balls may come. The tide is definately changing...at least in me.

Anxiety...

There have been many changes in my life over the past year, some good and some not so good. It's little wonder that I am feeling so anxious. The biggest changes are still to come...

I am beginning my first ever "professional job". I have had jobs before but always on my terms, meaning part-time, flexible, substituting so I could choose what days I wanted to work and what days I didn't...stuff like that. It is hard for me to make this leap, but I know it is important for my family right now.

I am also concerned about my lack of knowledge, I know that may sound weird after just graduating from the MSW program, but it is one thing to study theory, and quite another to put it into practice...It's a good thing this new job has a training program!!

Since Doug has been out of work and we are such financial wizards, we are losing our home. We don't know when we will have to be out exactly...its kind of a waiting game...So I have been looking for new digs and it is just depressing.

Its really weird because when we bought this house 10 years ago, we never intended to be in it for longer than 5 years...we thought we would fix it up and sell it and make a profit and move on...but what happened is we made a HOME, and after 10 years of putting our hearts and souls into it...not just physically but spiritually, mentally and socially...it is heartbreaking to have to leave.

I know we will land on our feet, but I just don't know where?? and starting over is really not something I want to do right now...Its no wonder I can't sleep any more...I am constantly praying for inspiration to know what to do and where to go...and it seems I am just going to have to take that leap of faith, and hope that we do the right things...I am tired of screwing up.

Then I start to wonder...maybe that's the point...maybe I am supposed to screw up...kind of like in the garden of eden when the lord forbids Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit, while knowing that they had to eat, so that men might be, and that we might have joy, and know good from evil...they had to pass through sorrow so that we could learn...and there it is, the point I have been searching for...this is why we screw up...so that we also know these differences...so that we have the opportunity to repent and start over...

So here I go...LEAP.

Words I love....

"There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together."
-Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when; whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees."
-Victor Hugo

"What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath."
-Thomas Crum

"With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."
-Abraham Lincoln

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

"Remember happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think."
-Dale Carnegie

"It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks, to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal."
-Helen Keller

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living"
-Miriam Beard

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life"
-Jack Kerouac

Growing Pains...

So this is a time in my life that "should" be somewhat set and stable...NOT! Guess what I get to start over. I know I am not alone in this predicament (not sure if that is comforting) but it is what it is.

I have had several job interviews...i don't know if i have B.O. or bad breath but so far no success in the job hunt. No luck for Doug either...

I am not complaining because i have enjoyed the time that i have had since graduation to spend with my family. Especially spending time with Zoe and getting her set up at BYU. (insert tears here...I miss her already) But i know she is where she should be.

So I might lose my house or my car...but here is what i have...my health, my family, good friends, my testimony, and love. I am grateful for all these things!!

I could beat myself up for not knowing better...for not doing better...but this is life. Life is growth...if we are not learning and growing from our mistakes then what are we doing here? Sometimes growth is painful and not pleasant but i can honestly say i am truly grateful for all the growing pains of life because they have made me who i am.

my baby's all grown up and savin china....

For those of you who don't know Mulan is my favorite Disney movie. I love the part at the end which I have provided for your viewing pleasure...It is especially poignant to me right now, reminds me of Zoe...(Zoe even played the role of Mulan in our ward's YW/YM movie in a day festival!)

I have felt a bit like MooShoo this week as I sent my baby off to Greece for a fabulous trip that she was fortunate enough to get invited on! She arrived in Athens early this morning (around 2:30) she texted me to let me know she arrived and got herself to a taxi and to her hotel just fine...I know she is 18, but as a mom I can't stop myself from worrying...especially after watching "Taken". Originally we had planned to meet her there in a week and tour through some WWII sites in Europe but when Doug lost his job that plan got canceled. So Zoe had to fly separately from her group because we could not change her flight...Anyway, that is why i was worried. But all is well and I hope she has the time of her life!!

It is a weird feeling when your child becomes an adult right in front of your eyes...I know I am new to the whole empty nest thing but I am not sure how I feel about it yet. Since I only have 3 kids, losing 1/3 of my children is bizarre...

I am excited for Zoe to start her life but I am a bit sad that she won't be physically stationed in my home any longer!! However....space is at a premium in my home so....:) I love you Zoe!!! Most fabulous 1st daughter ever!!

Pictures from MSW Graduation 2009

President Obama's Commencement Address at Arizona State University

This was an amazing night and experience. I am so grateful that I was able to participate with my family. I posted the entire speech because Pres. Obama is such a gifted speaker and I wanted to remember his words forever. So, because this is a log of my life I have posted it for posterity. I know it is long but I encourage you to read it in its entirety because no matter how you feel about Obama his words are inspiring and true. Enjoy!



Following is the text of President Obama's commencement address at Arizona State University on May, 13, 2009, as released by the White House.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ASU. (Applause.) Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Thank you -- please. Well, thank you, President Crow, for that extremely generous introduction, for your inspired leadership as well here at ASU. And I want to thank the entire ASU community for the honor of attaching my name to a scholarship program that will help open the doors of higher education to students from every background. What a wonderful gift. Thank you. (Applause.) That notion of opening doors of opportunity to everybody, that is the core mission of this school; it's a core mission of my presidency; and I hope this program will serve as a model for universities across this country. So thank you so much. (Applause.)

I want to obviously congratulate the Class of 2009 -- your unbelievable achievement. (Applause.) I want to thank the parents, the uncles, the grandpas, the grandmas, cousins -- Calabash cousins -- everybody who was involved in helping these extraordinary young people arrive at this moment. I also want to apologize to the entire state of Arizona for stealing away your wonderful former governor, Janet Napolitano. (Applause.) But you've got a fine governor here and I also know that Janet is applying her extraordinary talents to serve our entire country as the Secretary of Homeland Security, keeping America safe. And she's doing a great job. (Applause.)

Now, before I begin, I'd just like to clear the air about that little controversy everybody was talking about a few weeks back. I have to tell you, I really thought this was much ado about nothing, but I do think we all learned an important lesson. I learned never again to pick another team over the Sun Devils in my NCAA bracket. (Applause.) It won't happen again. President Crow and the Board of Regents will soon learn all about being audited by the IRS. (Laughter and applause.)

Now, in all seriousness, I come here not to dispute the suggestion that I haven't yet achieved enough in my life. (Laughter.) First of all, Michelle concurs with that assessment. (Laughter.) She has a long list of things that I have not yet done waiting for me when I get home. But more than that, I come to embrace the notion that I haven't done enough in my life; I heartily concur; I come to affirm that one's title, even a title like President of the United States, says very little about how well one's life has been led -- that no matter how much you've done, or how successful you've been, there's always more to do, always more to learn, and always more to achieve. (Applause.)

And I want to say to you today, graduates, Class of 2009, that despite having achieved a remarkable milestone in your life, despite the fact that you and your families are so rightfully proud, you too cannot rest on your laurels. Not even some of those remarkable young people who were introduced earlier -- not even that young lady who's got four degrees yet today. You can't rest. Your own body of work is also yet to come.

Now, some graduating classes have marched into this stadium in easy times -- times of peace and stability when we call on our graduates simply to keep things going, and don't screw it up. (Laughter.) Other classes have received their diplomas in times of trial and upheaval, when the very foundations of our lives, the old order has been shaken, the old ideas and institutions have crumbled, and a new generation is called upon to remake the world.

It should be clear to you by now the category into which all of you fall. For we gather here tonight in times of extraordinary difficulty, for the nation and for the world. The economy remains in the midst of a historic recession, the worst we've seen since the Great Depression; the result, in part, of greed and irresponsibility that rippled out from Wall Street and Washington, as we spent beyond our means and failed to make hard choices. (Applause.) We're engaged in two wars and a struggle against terrorism. The threats of climate change, nuclear proliferation, and pandemic defy national boundaries and easy solutions.

For many of you, these challenges are also felt in more personal terms. Perhaps you're still looking for a job -- or struggling to figure out what career path makes sense in this disrupted economy. Maybe you've got student loans -- no, you definitely have student loans -- (applause) -- or credit card debts, and you're wondering how you'll ever pay them off. Maybe you've got a family to raise, and you're wondering how you'll ensure that your children have the same opportunities you've had to get an education and pursue their dreams.

Now, in the face of these challenges, it may be tempting to fall back on the formulas for success that have been pedaled so frequently in recent years. It goes something like this: You're taught to chase after all the usual brass rings; you try to be on this "who's who" list or that top 100 list; you chase after the big money and you figure out how big your corner office is; you worry about whether you have a fancy enough title or a fancy enough car. That's the message that's sent each and every day, or has been in our culture for far too long -- that through material possessions, through a ruthless competition pursued only on your own behalf -- that's how you will measure success.

Now, you can take that road -- and it may work for some. But at this critical juncture in our nation's history, at this difficult time, let me suggest that such an approach won't get you where you want to go; it displays a poverty of ambition -- that in fact, the elevation of appearance over substance, of celebrity over character, of short-term gain over lasting achievement is precisely what your generation needs to help end. (Applause.)

Now, ASU, I want to highlight -- I want to highlight two main problems with that old, tired, me-first approach. First, it distracts you from what's truly important, and may lead you to compromise your values and your principles and commitments. Think about it. It's in chasing titles and status -- in worrying about the next election rather than the national interest and the interests of those who you're supposed to represent -- that politicians so often lose their ways in Washington. (Applause.) They spend time thinking about polls, but not about principle. It was in pursuit of gaudy short-term profits, and the bonuses that came with them, that so many folks lost their way on Wall Street, engaging in extraordinary risks with other people's money.

In contrast, the leaders we revere, the businesses and institutions that last -- they are not generally the result of a narrow pursuit of popularity or personal advancement, but of devotion to some bigger purpose -- the preservation of the Union or the determination to lift a country out of a depression; the creation of a quality product, a commitment to your customers, your workers, your shareholders and your community. A commitment to make sure that an institution like ASU is inclusive and diverse and giving opportunity to all. That's a hallmark of real success. (Applause.)

That other stuff -- that other stuff, the trappings of success may be a byproduct of this larger mission, but it can't be the central thing. Just ask Bernie Madoff. That's the first problem with the old attitude.

But the second problem with the old approach to success is that a relentless focus on the outward markers of success can lead to complacency. It can make you lazy. We too often let the external, the material things, serve as indicators that we're doing well, even though something inside us tells us that we're not doing our best; that we're avoiding that which is hard, but also necessary; that we're shrinking from, rather than rising to, the challenges of the age. And the thing is, in this new, hyper-competitive age, none of us -- none of us -- can afford to be complacent.

That's true in whatever profession you choose. Professors might earn the distinction of tenure, but that doesn't guarantee that they'll keep putting in the long hours and late nights -- and have the passion and the drive -- to be great educators. The same principle is true in your personal life. Being a parent is not just a matter of paying the bills, doing the bare minimum -- it's not bringing a child into the world that matters, but the acts of love and sacrifice it takes to raise and educate that child and give them opportunity. (Applause.) It can happen to Presidents, as well. If you think about it, Abraham Lincoln and Millard Fillmore had the very same title, they were both Presidents of the United States, but their tenure in office and their legacy could not be more different.

And that's not just true for individuals -- it's also true for this nation. In recent years, in many ways, we've become enamored with our own past success -- lulled into complacency by the glitter of our own achievements.

We've become accustomed to the title of "military super-power," forgetting the qualities that got us there -- not just the power of our weapons, but the discipline and valor and the code of conduct of our men and women in uniform. (Applause.) The Marshall Plan, and the Peace Corps, and all those initiatives that show our commitment to working with other nations to pursue the ideals of opportunity and equality and freedom that have made us who we are. That's what made us a super power. (Applause.)

We've become accustomed to our economic dominance in the world, forgetting that it wasn't reckless deals and get-rich-quick schemes that got us where we are, but hard work and smart ideas -- quality products and wise investments. We started taking shortcuts. We started living on credit, instead of building up savings. We saw businesses focus more on rebranding and repackaging than innovating and developing new ideas that improve our lives.

All the while, the rest of the world has grown hungrier, more restless -- in constant motion to build and to discover -- not content with where they are right now, determined to strive for more. They're coming.

So graduates, it's now abundantly clear that we need to start doing things a little bit different. In your own lives, you'll need to continuously adapt to a continuously changing economy. You'll end up having more than one job and more than one career over the course of your life; to keep gaining new skills -- possibly even new degrees; and you'll have to keep on taking risks as new opportunities arise.

And as a nation, we'll need a fundamental change of perspective and attitude. It's clear that we need to build a new foundation -- a stronger foundation -- for our economy and our prosperity, rethinking how we grow our economy, how we use energy, how we educate our children, how we care for our sick, how we treat our environment. (Applause.)

Many of our current challenges are unprecedented. There are no standard remedies, no go-to fixes this time around. And Class of 2009 that's why we're going to need your help. We need young people like you to step up. We need your daring, we need your enthusiasm and your energy, we need your imagination.

And let me be clear, when I say "young," I'm not just referring to the date of your birth certificate. I'm talking about an approach to life -- a quality of mind and quality of heart; a willingness to follow your passions, regardless of whether they lead to fortune and fame; a willingness to question conventional wisdom and rethink old dogmas; a lack of regard for all the traditional markers of status and prestige -- and a commitment instead to doing what's meaningful to you, what helps others, what makes a difference in this world. (Applause.)

That's the spirit that led a band of patriots not much older than most of you to take on an empire, to start this experiment in democracy we call America. It's what drove young pioneers west, to Arizona and beyond; it's what drove young women to reach for the ballot; what inspired a 30 year-old escaped slave to run an underground railroad to freedom -- (applause) -- what inspired a young man named Cesar to go out and help farm workers; what inspired a 26 year-old preacher to lead a bus boycott for justice. It's what led firefighters and police officers in the prime of their lives up the stairs of those burning towers; and young people across this country to drop what they were doing and come to the aid of a flooded New Orleans. It's what led two guys in a garage -- named Hewlett and Packard -- to form a company that would change the way we live and work; what led scientists in laboratories, and novelists in coffee shops to labor in obscurity until they finally succeeded in changing the way we see the world.

That's the great American story: young people just like you, following their passions, determined to meet the times on their own terms. They weren't doing it for the money. Their titles weren't fancy -- ex-slave, minister, student, citizen. A whole bunch of them didn't get honorary degrees. (Laughter and applause.) But they changed the course of history -- and so can you ASU, so can you Class of 2009. (Applause.) So can you.

With a degree from this outstanding institution, you have everything you need to get started. You've got no excuses. You have no excuses not to change the world. Did you study business? (Applause.) Go start a company. (Applause.) Or why not help our struggling non-profits find better, more effective ways to serve folks in need. (Applause.) Did you study nursing? (Applause.) Understaffed clinics and hospitals across this country are desperate for your help. Did you study education? (Applause.) Teach in a high-need school where the kids really need you; give a chance to kids who can't-- who can't get everything they need maybe in their neighborhood, maybe not even in their home we can't afford to give up on -- prepare them to compete for any job anywhere in the world. (Applause.) Did you study engineering? (Applause.) Help us lead a green revolution -- (applause) -- developing new sources of clean energy that will power our economy and preserve our planet.

But you can also make your mark in smaller, more individual ways. That's what so many of you have already done during your time here at ASU -- tutoring children; registering voters; doing your own small part to fight hunger and homelessness, AIDS and cancer. One student said it best when she spoke about her senior engineering project building medical devices for people with disabilities in a village in Africa. Her professor showed a video of the folks they'd been helping, and she said, "When we saw the people on the videos, we began to feel a connection to them. It made us want to be successful for them." Think about that: "It made us want to be successful for them."

That's a great motto for all of us -- find somebody to be successful for. Raise their hopes. Rise to their needs. As you think about life after graduation, as you look into the mirror tonight after the partying is done -- (laughter and applause) -- that shouldn't get such a big cheer -- (laughter) -- you may look in the mirror tonight and you may see somebody who's not really sure what to do with their lives. That's what you may see, but a troubled child might look at you and see a mentor. A homebound senior citizen might see a lifeline. The folks at your local homeless shelter might see a friend. None of them care how much money is in your bank account, or whether you're important at work, or whether you're famous around town -- they just know that you're somebody who cares, somebody who makes a difference in their lives.

So Class of 2009, that's what building a body of work is all about -- it's about the daily labor, the many individual acts, the choices large and small that add up over time, over a lifetime, to a lasting legacy. That's what you want on your tombstone. It's about not being satisfied with the latest achievement, the latest gold star -- because the one thing I know about a body of work is that it's never finished. It's cumulative; it deepens and expands with each day that you give your best, each day that you give back and contribute to the life of your community and your nation. You may have setbacks, and you may have failures, but you're not done -- you're not even getting started, not by a long shot.

And if you ever forget that, just look to history. Thomas Paine was a failed corset maker, a failed teacher, and a failed tax collector before he made his mark on history with a little book called "Common Sense" that helped ignite a revolution. (Applause.) Julia Child didn't publish her first cookbook until she was almost 50. Colonel Sanders didn't open up his first Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was in his 60s. Winston Churchill was dismissed as little more than a has-been, who enjoyed scotch a little bit too much, before he took over as Prime Minister and saw Great Britain through its finest hour. No one thought a former football player stocking shelves at the local supermarket would return to the game he loved, become a Super Bowl MVP, and then come here to Arizona and lead your Cardinals to their first Super Bowl. (Applause.) Your body of work is never done.

Each of them, at one point in their life, didn't have any title or much status to speak of. But they had passion, a commitment to following that passion wherever it would lead, and to working hard every step along the way.

And that's not just how you'll ensure that your own life is well-lived. It's how you'll make a difference in the life of our nation. I talked earlier about the selfishness and irresponsibility on Wall Street and Washington that rippled out and led to so many of the problems that we face today. I talked about the focus on outward markers of success that can help lead us astray.

But here's the thing, Class of 2009: It works the other way around too. Acts of sacrifice and decency without regard to what's in it for you -- that also creates ripple effects -- ones that lift up families and communities; that spread opportunity and boost our economy; that reach folks in the forgotten corners of the world who, in committed young people like you, see the true face of America: our strength, our goodness, our diversity, our enduring power, our ideals.

I know starting your careers in troubled times is a challenge. But it is also a privilege. Because it's moments like these that force us to try harder, to dig deeper, and to discover gifts we never knew we had -- to find the greatness that lies within each of us. So don't ever shy away from that endeavor. Don't stop adding to your body of work. I can promise that you will be the better for that continued effort, as will this nation that we all love.

Congratulations, Class of 2009, on your graduation. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

BALL AND CHAIN

I realize it has been over a month since my last post....well life is full of lots of twists and turns and i did not want to fill the page with BLAH....But then i realized nobody reads my blog anyway so why not fill it with BLAH...BLAH...BLAH...So here is my random BLAH:



I am graduating in a month!!!!!!!!! And oh yeah The President of the United States is speaking at my commencement!!!!! I mean seriously no matter what your political ideology is, it is pretty damn cool to have the President speak....i mean what are the chances!!

So Doug lost his job about 6 weeks ago and there has been absolutely nothing out there on the horizon...it has been an interesting ride. A friend told me that these are the best times because a miracle is coming...well, i am still waiting for the miracle...it better be a good one and i mean really good. But seriously, who am i to complain, there are plenty in much worse shape who need the miracles more than we. I hope that there are plenty of miracles to go around (i truly hope).

Divorce...my thoughts...totally selfish, weak and unnecessary. I am holding nothing back, in my book there are only two good reasons to obtain one...serious spousal/child abuse or infidelity that is repeated. Any other reason is purely selfish. And i believe with every fiber of my being that Satan literally cheers every time a person succumbs to the temptation to leave. A person can tell themselves that they are doing the right thing because it will be better for the kids, but that is a huge load of CRAPOLA. Believe me i see so many kids with broken homes and it is NEVER better. This is just something people tell themselves to rationalize what they instinctively know is wrong. I could also show you tons of research about the affects of divorce on children but that would take way longer than this blog. But what really gets me is that people who do this thing never take responsibility for their own actions...it takes 2 people...however, 1 person seems to take all the blame for the whole kit and kaboodle. if you are going to do this at least be honest...at least take the responsibility where it is warranted and whatever you do STOP using the kids as pawns in your selfishness.

Loss and Grief...well, on this subject i have found that in obvious cases of loss such as a death, people are generally willing to cut you some slack in dealing with the fallout. But loss of a job, spouse (due to divorce), family connections, friendships these things are just life right? Yes, it is life but all these things elicit grief. I have been mired in grief for a long time and frankly, i am just now acknowledging it. Having school and a schedule and somewhere to be has been my saving grace. While I can't wait to be free of the "Ball and Chain" of school I am scared to be out there without the blessing of a schedule because i know all too well the despair that can come without warning or respite. So I am hoping for a job soon.

OK so I think that pretty much gets you up to speed on my totally random thoughts, that are my totally random LIFE. if you care to comment i would love to know your totally random thoughts on anything at all...JUST SPEAK

TAG.... You're IT!!

IN YOUR SENIOR YEAR...

1. Did you date someone from your school? yes
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? yes i did but he graduated 5 years before me.
3. Did you carpool to school? yes, for 1/2 the year then i drove.
4. What kind of car did you have? GMC Jimmy
5. What kind of car do you have now? Honda Pilot
6. Its Saturday night...where are you now? Watching a movie or reading a good book.
7. It is Saturday night...where were you then? Hanging out with friends---maybe devil house...wait that was on Sunday night when i snuck out!!
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? i worked at The Cookie Company for about 2 weeks--then i worked at the Cleaners.
9. What kind of job do you do now? Home engineer/student/MSW
10. Were you a party animal? I plead the 5th
11. Were you considered a flirt? not sure.
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? no.
13. Were you a nerd? no.
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? no
15. Can you sing the fight song? I could when i was in school but it has been waaayyy to long.
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Madame Hull
17. Where did you sit during lunch? We had an open campus---went to a different place every day.
18. What was your school's full name? mountain view high school (mesa az) OLAY!!
19. When did you graduate? may 1985
20. What was your school mascot? The mighty TOROS
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? if I had my choice i would never have done it in the first place!!
22. Did you have fun at Prom? I went to no such dance.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? nope
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? nope
25. Do you still talk to people from school? sometimes.
26. School Colors? red and blue
27. What celebrities came from your high school? No one that i know of.

I tag.... Layne, and anyone else who reads my blog!

LICE, SPIDERS AND BUGS OH MY!!

OK so this week will go down in history at the Brimhall household.

For the first time in my life, I had the misfortune of dealing with LICE. Poor Maya kept on telling me that her head was really itchy---but because itchy scalps are sort of commonplace in our house i didn't think anything of it accept to say to her---guess you got psoriasis too.

Then (and here is where i win the mother of the year award) she tells me that a little grey bug fell out of her hair when she brushed it. I told her that it was just dead skin from her psoriasis head---not to worry about it, looked at her head and sent her off to school.

That night her head was all pussy (that's pronounced with a short u sound!) which again, is not abnormal as far as scalps go in our house---psoriasis is a disgusting skin disease and doesn't go away with any amount of medical shampoos----so i proceeded to wash Maya's hair with head-and-shoulders thinking this might help with the itching. After she brushed her hair, she showed me the brush and said "SEE MOM they are bugs!" Well, me still in my denial, said "No its not! it is just dead skin!!" then one of them MOVED!!! I was still determined to believe that these were some kind of other bug---it can't be LICE! Fleas, flies, whatever--- it can't be LICE.

So I take her to the doctor the next day and guess what---LICE!!! let the FREAKING OUT begin!!! Now as a mom i can handle many things--puke, poop, boogers, pneumonia--but bugs in my daughters beautiful hair, can't even cope!!

This began a laborious weekend of scouring, washing, combing and killing LICE. (mind you we have to repeat the whole process this weekend---just what i wanted to do!) Of course the little creatures had to attack the THICKEST and longest head of hair in the house! So I had to cut about 6 inches of her locks just so i could get through it with a NIT- comb (special tool for removing the eggs that stick to the hair) as it was, it took a good 6 hours to get through her mane. Not to mention the emotional trauma of having to give up all her stuffed animals---supposedly you can bake the little suckers outside, but this mom is not taking any chances! So i had to promise new animals as soon as humanly possible.


So we had to check every ones head to make sure the gross little things didn't take up residence on anyone else's head---so far we're good---but every time i have an itch on my head in the back of my mind i am quietly freaking out, thinking that dandruff has got to be more than dandruff!! SOOO GROSS!

Anyway, as if this entire scenario isn't bad enough---i woke up this morning to a huge brown hairy ugly creepy SPIDER on my ceiling!!!! What is UP??? So i go in search of Raid and i can't find anything that was made to kill bugs, the only thing i can find is Lysol. So I spray the heck out of the little bastard (yes this is how i feel about them--there is no better word, well, that i can write) and he starts to move and i am scared to death that he is going to jump on me---and all those disgusting images of Brown Recluse bites go flashing through my head---so i get the vacuum and try to suck it up. Finally, the vacuum won the war!! Except now i am pretty sure i have a disinfected (Lysol) spider that is still alive in my vacuum!!

Seriously---any thing but bugs---bring it on, i can take it---but one little spider and i'm toast.

7 Random Thoughts

My daughter tagged me so I am supposed to write 7 random thoughts about myself. HMMMMM.... let me see.

I love reading but lately I don't seem to have time to read. I am busy trying to finish school. but I wanted to read all these books during my break but I didn't get to any of them. I even bought my textbooks early so i could get a jump start on school--- have I picked them up? No.

I love TV, or more importantly I love my DVR! I love not having to watch a show when it is on, I can watch it when I want and eliminate the creepy commercials! but lately I am realizing that it is my escape from real life. As I was watching 24 last night I realized that i could be reading a really good book, but I can't tear myself away from the increasingly cheesy Jack Bauer.

I love to sing, but I never seem to listen to music except when I am in my car. Why? I don't know. I remember when I was a teenager, I would stay in my room for hours trying to write down the lyrics to songs that I loved (pre -lyrics being included in cds). And when I was a little kid, I would play Donny and Marie--complete with microphone and pretend stage (yes I even have an autographed photo of the beloved duo). I loved musicals and would learn every song by heart so I could sing along. What happened to me?

I love to bake and cook and come up with my own versions of recipes, but do I ever cook anymore? I tell you no I don't. again, why is this? It comes time for dinner and I would love something really good but I can't quite make myself get in there and do it. Sandwiches and burritos are way too easy.

I love my bed. A couple of years ago, we bought a Tempurpedic mattress, and boy let me tell you, it was worth every penny!! I think I want to live in my bed forever! It is the first place I want to be at the end of a very long day--- and sometimes I wake up and never get out of bed! I have my books and my TV---its heaven! I also love that it is the place where my family gathers at the end of the day to read scriptures or say prayers or both, or just to hang out and talk or watch DVR shows. I LOVE MY BED!!

My idea of the perfect vacation is laying on a beach with the warmth of the sun permeating my bones. The sand between my toes, and the salty sea water beating against my back. I love the beach! It has always been the place I long to visit, and when it has been too long, I get weepy when i see the shore again.

I dream about seeing the world and serving the people in it with my husband. I can't wait until we are able to pick up and leave at the drop of a hat. I would love to serve a welfare mission---I hope that we will be able to serve many missions. I love how it feels when the Lord blesses me with someone to serve.

OK I think that is 7!! So I guess I need to tag someone else??!! Everyone beware.